Is He Gay?

Never let a gay man ‘use’ you to try to ‘change‘. Gay men can’t ‘change‘. I don’t care if you look like Carmen fuckin’ Electra, you cannot make a gay man straight! A lot of Christians think being gay is a ‘choice’. That’s why churches are full of gay men trying to change. You need to develop your ‘gaydar’ girlfriend. Not all gay men wear Calvin Klein underwear, walk like a girl and talk with a lisp. Some of them wear levis and cowboy boots. They are truck drivers, rednecks, firemen, cops, construction workers, politicians, teachers, ditch diggers…even preachers! Ted Haggard was the head of one of the biggest congregations in the country. He had a wonderful family and thousands of loyal followers. He preached about the ‘sins of the flesh’ but Ted Haggard was living a lie and was getting his ‘cakes’ baked by a private male escort. To this day that man is still in denial about his sexuality.

There are a lot of reasons why gay men marry. Maybe they don’t want to be ‘labeled’, maybe they’re in ‘denial’, or maybe they think they can ‘change’. They can’t. People are ‘born’ gay! One day he’ll give into it and leave you for a big stud name Jake.

Don’t ignore the signs. If the radio in his truck is tuned to ’80’s divas’ he might be gay. If you’re in Vegas and he surprises you with tickets to the Cher concert he might be gay. If they’re front row seats and he knows every word to ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’…he’s gay !! If you have to fight him for the mirror, he plucks his eyebrows, moisturizes, wears your makeup or uses your vibrator…that biotch is gay girlfriend!  If he seems far away or detached while you’re having sex it’s because he ‘is’. He’s somewhere in his truck on a secluded road with that guy from work he’s been fantasizing about. They’re pulled over in the bushes and are sucking each other off.

Don’t waste your time with a man who is gay. We make great best friends but lousy husbands. Find yourself a man who is 100% heterosexual. You deserve it girlfriend. Find a man who worships the ground your little gold mine walks on. If your man is gay or bisexual your relationship will not pass the test of time. Remember…it’s a lot easier to break up with a boyfriend than a husband.

You can find a good man, a man with character who is 100% heterosexual and can make your little boat float. You just need to get your game on and listen to your ‘intuition’.

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Weight

You have got to quit obsessing about your weight. Chances are your man is not even going to notice your weight unless ‘you’ bring it up. Men don’t care. They look at the whole package. It’s all about how you carry yourself….your ‘aura’…and how you ‘stage’ your little gold mine. Real beauty comes from within. Your aura is the energy you give off with your body language. Your personality, emotions, and life experiences all combine to give off an energy that is easily picked up on by the men you meet. The way you walk, talk, laugh, even cry are all part of what makes up your aura. Do you come off like a ‘lady’ or a ‘tramp‘? Are you ‘classy’ or ‘trashy’? Your aura is way more important than ten or twenty extra pounds. If you give off a good aura and you ‘stage’ your little gold mine you will get some serious bids.

When it comes down to it you need to keep your weight at a ‘healthy’ level…not too big and not too small. Nobody wants a partner who is morbidly obese…it’s ‘unhealthy’…and nobody wants a bag of bones but there is a whole lot of wiggle room. Find a weight that is realistic for your body type and allow yourself ten pounds in either direction. It’s all about what makes ‘you’ happy and what makes ‘you’ feel good about yourself. Maybe you need to quit making excuses not to eat right and exercise. It’s not rocket science. It’s not about the newest fad diet. It’s about eating a balanced diet of fresh food and ‘portion’ control. It’s a ‘lifestyle’. Men respect a woman who has her weight under control. You can do it girlfriend. It just takes a little effort.

Nothing will put pressure on your relationship like you obsessing about your weight, and by the way, you can seriously put your health in jeopardy trying to keep up with fashion trends. You need to ignore magazine ads that depict women as stick figures and anorexic actresses on the red carpet. Don’t buy products from companies who ‘airbrush’ their models. It’s part of the reason ya’ll have so many hang-ups.

A well balanced diet includes plenty of fruits and veggies, chicken and fish, occasional red meat and something sweet now and then. Avoid snacking late at night and have a good breakfast. Limit bread and pasta. Above all else…stay hydrated.

Food is a drug girlfriend and you can get addicted to it. Learn to cook. That way you can control what goes ‘into’ your food and your portions. If you are always eating in restaurants chances are you’re not eating the right things. Eat six small meals a day instead of three heavy meals. Take your little gold mine for a walk after dinner, or a bike ride, anything to burn a few calories and help digestion. Good sex burns calories.

If you’re not feeling good about yourself, if you are not feeling sexy, if you are self- conscious and insecure about your weight…get over it…and then do something about it. Whatever your size, learn to love yourself. Don’t burden others with your weight issues and no matter how big you get, don’t let yourself go. You can still be sexy and put together, you can still smell good, wear nice clothes and do your nails. There is something very attractive about big women who have their shit together. NeNe Leakes is a big woman and she is rockin’ her new look. Now she just needs to work on her aura.

The bottom line is this….you need to eat like a fuckin’ lady and girlfriend, if your man is constantly talking about your weight and putting you down, you need to find yourself a new man.

Marc’s 10 minute salad

1 head of romaine (it’s a type of lettuce dear)
onion
cucumber
olives (black and green)
peppers (pepprocini)
feta cheese
sunflower seeds / croutons

Make this salad on a dinner plate as it is the center of your meal. Never make a salad in a big bowl, it’s not the same. You want to give each salad your individual attention. Never use ‘trailer trash’ lettuce (iceberg). Use romaine or some other dark green leafy lettuce. Wash, drain and break up your lettuce on individual plates. Cut your onion in thin rings. Break the rings up and put a few on each salad. Peel and slice your cucumber and place a few slices in and around your lettuce. Dot with different colored olives and a pepprocini pepper. Sprinkle with feta cheese and sunflower seeds…add a few croutons.

This salad is fabulous and looks gorgeous. It can be served Monday-Friday night. Use your favorite salad dressing and serve with a grilled or broiled meat portion. Serve your meat on a traditional small salad plate. Try to do fish at least twice a week. Salmon and Halibut are excellent on the grill. Twice a week serve your salad with chicken and one night serve it with a grilled steak. Your meat serving should be about the size of the palm of your hand. Never fry your meat and be sure to skin your chicken. Limit you bread intake to no more than one small dinner roll.

I always eat a good breakfast. I love oatmeal and it just takes a minute to make. Add fresh fruit to your oatmeal, like blueberries or raspberries. Oatmeal is fabulous for your skin. Add a little honey to it. Save the big breakfast for Sunday morning. Every man likes to have a big fabulous breakfast on Sunday morning, bacon or sausage, pancakes, eggs, hash browns. You have my permission to pig out on Sunday mornings girlfriend.

At lunch I usually like some kind of sandwich, with chips. I never use mayo on a sandwich. It’s nasty and full of fat. I do use mustard. I always take the top bun off my sandwich Trust me, you won’t miss the top bun and you don’t need the extra bread. You can eat pretty much what you like for lunch but save the burger and fries for the weekend and never super size beotch. It’s so unladylike. Remember, no mayo and take the top bun off. You may have to eat you burger with a knife and fork. I do it all the time.

On weekends I eat pretty much what I want, but I never overdo it. You shouldn’t have to diet on the weekend. Weekends are meant to splurge. I said ‘splurge’…not ‘binge’. There’s a difference. When Monday comes around I’m back on my little diet.

I try to walk for an hour a day. I live near the beach so you can come and walk with me if you want. Don’t walk alone unless you are in a public place and there are lots of people around. Never walk alone after dark. I usually don’t worry about walking on the weekend but my lifestyle is pretty active. I try not to snack late at night, if I do it’s usually something like a bowl of Special K or two to three cookies…never the whole bag.

You can do it girlfriend. If you can stick to my Monday-Friday diet you will lose weight and you will not feel deprived. Be creative. I love to serve hot wings with my salad…or bbq ribs. Remember, the salad should be the focal point.

My last tip is to ‘get a life’. The more you hang around the house the more you’re prone to overeat. Take a walk with the dog. If you don’t have a dog…get one. Go to the bookstore. Start a project. Ride your bike. Roller skate. Do anything that gets you up off the couch and away from the refrigerator.

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Depression

I’ve been away for the summer. Just a little R & R. I was in Northern California hiding away in a bungalow…in the redwoods. It was a real good time. I tried to avoid the computer and just sort of get away from it all…you know…go back to a simpler time. Humboldt County is a great place to do it.  While I’ve been gone my girlfriend ‘Sam’ has been having serious problems in her relationship. Her long time boyfriend has been going through some pretty deep depression. She can’t get him off the couch. He’s really been pushing her buttons. He’s lost his spark. They haven’t slept together in months. He even threatened suicide.

A man who is depressed can really bring you down. I am  serious beotch. You do not want a man that is prone to depression. Alot of bad boys are depressed. Brooding,  quiet, moody guys are not easy to live with.

   There is usually a reason why a man is depressed and it could be anything from his job to his relationship with his father.  Whatever it is, he needs to get some help. Depression is not something you can ignore. Men who are depressed are prone to addiction, violence and infidelity.

   There are signs of depression and you need to know them. If your man is sleeping all day, gets angry for no apparent reason, is anti-social, withdrawn or drinking more than    usual…and not interested in sex…he may be depressed.

   If he’s lost his humor…his spark…or breaks out in tears  every other day, that man ‘is‘ depressed. Sometimes depressed men kill themselves. Sometimes they kill their families too. Depression is not something to play around with. If your man is depressed he needs professional help.

   Ask Courtney Love. Her husband Curt Cobain was on top of the world and had the kind of career success that  most rock musicians dream about. He had everything to live for… baby girl, financial security, adoring fans.   But his depression, fueled by drug abuse, got the best of him.  He died of a self inflicted gunshot to the head. He was only 27.

   Depression can affect anyone at any age. A man who is depressed will suck you into his depression. Look…everybody feels down once in a while. Everybody gets the blues. That’s different. Most people can shake it off. But if your man is always down, always seems angry, is always moody  and there is a big dark cloud hanging over your house, you need to do something about it.

   Sometimes a man just needs a wake-up call and the best thing you can do is pack up your little gold mine and go on a trip. Separation makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe he’ll realize once you’re gone how much he loves  you and that he needs professional help. Maybe not. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

   If your man is depressed or suicidal and he refuses to seek professional help you may want to call his mama and put the ball in her court…or his doctor…brother…best friend…anyone who can help. Even then you should be aware that he may ‘never’ snap out of it. If that’s the case, you may need to re-think your relationship.

   Look…I know your marriage vows said ‘in sickness and in health’, but there’s a little thing called ‘self preservation’  that kicks in somewhere between the first argument and    the first beating. There’s that inner voice sometimes known  as ‘intuition’ that you better fine tune and pay close attention to. A woman’s intuition is God given. You deserve happiness girlfriend. Life is too short. Give it your best shot but know when to walk away.

At the first sign of violence…hit the bricks. Never put your little gold mine in danger for a man who is depressed. Depression is a mental illness.

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Make-Up

You are kidding yourself if you think you look good without make-up. Just kidding. You look good, but you could use a little foundation that matches your skin tone.

Very few women look their best without make-up. When it comes to make-up, a little bit goes a long way. You do not need to spend hours in front of the mirror but you do need to spend about ten minutes. Be careful, make-up can make you look ‘classy’ or ‘trashy’. Your make-up should fit the occasion. You have to be very subtle if you wear make-up during the day. You do not want to look like Tammy Faye Baker if you’re going out to lunch with a client. People will make jokes about you.

Unless you have flawless skin, you need to wear a little foundation. A little foundation will even out your skin tone and give you the beautiful complexion you may not have been born with. Use something light and natural…never oily. If you’re lost at the make-up counter ask for help. Make sure you blend your neckline, otherwise it’ll look like you’re wearing a mask.

A little liner on your eyes will define them. Mascara will make them larger. Some color on the eyelid will make them pop. Use color wisely. Go very light to none at work and then ramp it up on the way to the club later. Avoid blues, purples and greens unless you want to look like ‘Mimi‘ from the Drew Carey show. Learn how to do the classic ‘smoky’ eye. It rocks. Play with earth tones.

Your eyebrows can make or break your look. Margaux Hemmingway was famous for her brows. You want them manicured, not plucked clean and drawn on. We already talked about that.

Choose a lipstick that is appropriate for the occasion. Bright reds can make you look all painted up and a little bit trashy, but sometimes you may want to be a little trashy, and that’s okay, as long as you do trashy with class.

Go easy with the blush. You want your blush to look natural, like you have a healthy glow, not like you just stepped off Mt. Everest.

Some women totally over-do their make-up. Don’t be one of them. Remember, classy not trashy. Good make-up takes practice, but you can do it girlfriend. By the way, never ‘tattoo’ make-up on your face unless you want to look like an old hag at the breakfast table.

Landing a man with character is half the battle…keeping him is the other half. Use make-up wisely to enhance your natural beauty. I don’t care if you live on a farm or in a penthouse, a little make-up will make you feel better about yourself.  If you feel better about yourself you will be a better partner, besides, men love women who are feminine and who play their feminine role with grace. They expect you to excuse yourself to the ladies room to powder your nose. It’s part of your mystery. They love it when you wear heels and stockings, are hypnotized by your scent, fantasize about your beautiful nails working their way down to their belt buckle. Why not let them have their fun?

Never let a man dictate what you can or cannot do. That was your father’s job when you were twelve. You are a grown woman. If your man tries to stop you from wearing make-up he has jealousy and control issues. It’s a big red flag…don’t ignore it.

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Over Exposure

J-Lo
Let’s face it…if your little gold mine has been on the market for too long it will lose it’s value. Sometimes you just need to lay low. Hang with your girlfriends, girlfriend. In real estate if your home has been on the market for longer than six months you are either over priced or you have no curb appeal.

Maybe you just need to take some time off, change your environment or give yourself a new look. Over exposure can make you look a little…well…desperate. Take Jennifer Lopez. She over exposed herself in a series of box office bombs and proved to the world she is not an actress. That biotch was grabbing everything she could get. Even now you can’t turn on the television without seeing Jennifer Lopez hocking everything from perfume to shampoo.  Mariah Carey over exposed her little gold mine in a film called ‘Glitter’. She did not shine in Glitter. An actress is only as good as her last role. You have to pick and choose your projects wisely. Life is all about choices. You want to retain a little ‘mystique‘…be a little ‘hard to get’. You do not want to lay all your cards on the table.

If you find that men are avoiding you like the plague or acting like you have a social disease, ‘something‘ you are doing is not working. Be honest with yourself. Take a good look in the mirror. Don’t be afraid to make some changes. You might be stuck in a time warp.

Never sit around waiting for the phone to ring. Get a life. Try new things, go new places, get a new look. Men have very short attention spans. Be fun to be with. Smile more and laugh more. Don’t make finding a man your number one priority. You do not need that kind of pressure. Sometimes Mr Right comes along when you least expect it and men love women who are a little hard to get. Don’t ‘always’ be available.