What a drag it is getting old, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. Men grow more distinguished. Women turn into Bette Davis in ‘Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte’. Just kidding beotch.

Somebody said “Age is a state of mind”. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know you no longer have to be dragged kicking and screaming into middle age. The key is to age gracefully with the help of a damn good plastic surgeon. Psyche. Seriously, it’s okay to fight gravity but you have to be realistic girlfriend. The best way to age gracefully is still to eat right and exercise. Don’t go overboard with plastic surgery. A nip here, a tuck there and nobody needs to know. You only have one god-given face…work with it. Remember, plastic surgery is irreversible. Take a lesson from the dozens of stars who have ruined their faces. Trust me, a few little wrinkles aren’t so bad. Botched, irreversible plastic surgery is much worst. Look at Joan Van Ark or Priscilla Presley. If you age gracefully there is no reason you can’t market your little gold mine well into your seventies.

When it comes to  relationships….age matters. Look, I know you like that little twenty-five year old grease monkey with the six pack abs, but you are forty-five years old beotch! You had better think twice. Your little boy toy could end up making you feel like an old hag. Didn’t you see The Graduate? Older women and younger men almost never work. For one thing, a lot of women are just naturally insecure and he will have every little bimbo at the pool checking him out with their eighteen year old titties that are firm and perky spilling out of their string bikinis. You’ll be turning out the lights and shit so he won’t see you naked. He’ll end up leaving your ass for a woman half your age who eats tofu and can fuck like a rabbit…ask Demi Moore.

Go ahead…have your little fling. It’s cool. I don’t judge, but follow in the footsteps of the master. Cher had a good time with her little bagel boy but when push came to shove, (literally), she packed up her little gold mine and hit the road.

Age is relative. You might be sexually compatible in the bedroom but emotionally you will be on two different planets. That’s why boy toys make excellent fuck buddies but  lousy husbands.

You have to be careful if you lease your little gold mine to an older man. Oh…you might like driving your new Mercedes Benz and love your new Gucci purse but he might expect something in return, like a blowjob once in a while. They wantsomethin’ for their fuckin’ money beotch!… and if he looks like J. Howard Marshall that could be pretty nasty.

Some older men think they ‘own’ your little gold mine. They can be very possessive and may try to isolate you from your friends and family. They have control issues and will go to great lengths to dominate you. A lot of  them have trouble with their drills and must resort to artificial stimuli. They will wear you out trying to climax. All that being said, some men do seem to get more distinguished as they age. They seem to calm down, take things in stride, mellow out. They take care of themselves. They have lived and loved and are comfortable in their own skin. They have finally ‘matured’. They have passion and can be  very  romantic. They’re  ready  to slow  down and enjoy life. They  may want nothing more than to cherish and take care of your little gold mine and if you find one beotch…you owe me…big time.

I’m just saying, you need to think it through. In the end you need a man that will hold you at night and make your little boat float. Money is nice, but it doesn’t buy happiness. Money is only part of the equation. Your winning bid must also include love, lust and trust. Your contract will not hold up if you are not ‘attracted’ to your man or if he ‘neglects’ your little gold mine, I don’t care how much money is at stake. You can find a man who’s close to your age, free of hang-ups and addictions who can offer you the financial security you deserve….you just need to get your game on.

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