Plastic Surgery

Joan Rivers

All women want big beautiful tits that jiggle. Oh…come on girlfriend, you can’t fool me…uh…huh. I saw your under wire pushup wonder bra. It’s cool. It’s all good. I don’t judge.

If your girls have lost their bounce or you were cheated by Mother Nature, there is no reason why you shouldn’t find yourself a good plastic surgeon to give you the fun bags you deserve. If your breasts are hanging down to your Versace belt or you failed to develop and are still wearing a training bra, you are going to feel self-conscious and insecure. Those feelings are only natural. Choosing to do something about it is a personal decision and one you should not take lightly. Nothing is worst than a bad tit job. Big, un-natural triple D’s can make you look like a cartoon character. That might be okay if you’re Pamela Anderson and you’ve built a career around your breasts, but in the real world, big unnatural breasts can make you look like…well…a bimbo. Besides, you need to be careful when it comes to putting foreign objects in your body girlfriend.

A good doctor will work with you to make sure you get the best, most ‘natural’ results. You want to ‘enhance’ what mother nature gave you. Huge tits that are stretched so tight you can read the label on the implants will not bounce and jiggle. They will be painful and hurt your back. They will ‘look’ and ‘feel’…fake. Go ahead and get double D’s if you want everybody to look at you and immediately say to themselves, “She’s had a tit job.”. Otherwise try to stick to something that will keep people guessing, something that fills out a bathing suit but doesn’t double as a flotation device. Pamela Anderson traded in her double D’s.

I was a DJ at a strip club in Ft Lauderdale in my early twenties. It was a gentlemen’s club. I guess it was every man’s dream job. I had a lot of fun. I’d spin records and introduce the girls…tell some jokes. That was an education. I sat in a booth right next to the stage. There were a lot of girls with bad tit jobs. Some of them were pitiful bad. If a man can tell you’ve had a tit job just by looking…you have a bad tit job! You could end up being more insecure about your breasts than you ever were.

The world is full of bimbos with big unnatural breasts that are hard as a rock and don’t fit their body frame. Don’t become one of them  It makes you look insecure and  a little bit ‘fake’…like Kim Zolciak from ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’. Men can spot a fake. If your breasts are fake, what else about you is fake? Get the picture? Trust me, you can get a good tit job, you just have to go to the right doctor. If you do decide to get breast augmentation tell your doctor you want a ‘natural’ outcome. Tell him you want tits that ‘jiggle’.

Never get any other kind of implant. I am serious beotch, unless it reconstructive. Chin, cheek, butt, or calf implants will fuck you up. You’ll end up looking like Jocelyn Wildestein. She was addicted to plastic surgery and now she looks like the cowardly lion. Never try to mold yourself into something you’re not. It is not wise to fool with mother nature!

A nose job is cool, but remember, there is a point of no return. Sometimes it’s better to embrace your little oddities and run with them. They are what make you, well…’unique’. Ask Jennifer Gray. Her little gold mine was very valuable after she made a movie in 1987 called ‘Dirty Dancing’.  She got her nose done and even close friends did not recognize her. Latoya Jackson is a billboard for what can go tragically wrong when you go too far with plastic surgery on your nose and of course her brother Michael’s plastic surgery nightmare is legendary.

If you notice your face is hanging down around your neck you may want to consider getting a facelift. There are full facelifts, mini facelifts, brow lifts, neck lifts and eye surgeries that can help to get rid of your bags and wrinkles, but if you’re not careful you could end up looking like you just stepped off the space shuttle…like Joan Rivers. Any work done should be carefully thought out and done with extreme care. Tell your doctor you want to looked ‘refreshed‘…not twenty years younger.

Never start plastic surgery too young. Do it to enhance your features, not to alter them. Heidi Montag is in her early twenties and has had ten plastic surgeries. She is beginning to look a little bit like the ‘Bride of Frankenstein’.

You can inject fillers and plumpers into your lips and really fuck them up…ask Lisa Rinna. She used to be gorgeous. Now her lips look like they have a life of their own. Lip injections can go very wrong and in some cases, are irreparable. When it comes to plastic surgery…slow down and proceed with caution. You are way better off to baby your skin, eat right and exercise. Men like women who are ‘real’ and ‘natural’. They want a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. They may drill the bimbo with the big cartoon tits but they’ll marry the girl who has ‘style’ and ‘class’. Too much plastic surgery will make you look insecure and your little gold mine will lose its value. If you’re an actress it can ruin your career. It will alter how people ‘see’ you and that can be a double edged sword. Remember, if a stranger can tell you’ve had plastic surgery just by looking at you…you’ve gone too far!




Plastic Surgery Nightmares:


Michael Jackson, Pricilla Presley, Burt Reynolds, Bruce Jenner, Joan Van Ark, Lisa Rinna, Meg Ryan, Melanie Griffith, L’il Kim, Tara Reid, Kenny Rogers, Mickey Rourke, Heidi Montag, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Donatella Versace , Jackie Stallone, Courtney Cox, Jessica Lange

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